Why You Should Never Train Martial Arts. EVER!

  1. Self defence. 

You’ll learn how to defend yourself from unknown attackers. Pfft, like thats ever gonna happen…

  1. You’ll get fit pretty quickly. 

HA! Why do I need to be fit? Walking to the fridge requires zero fitness.

  1. You’ll have sooooo much fun. 

“OoooOOOoOOoo look at me, look at how much fun I’m having with my new friends learning a new skill”. *Gag*. Next!

  1. Overall self-improvement. 

Oh God, here he goes with all that cheesy bullsh*t. Thanks Mr Miyagi. Who wants a new level of focus at work anyway? Not as if I actually wanted a promotion or anything.

  1. Surprisingly, it will make you more calm. 

I AM CALM!!!

  1. Improved mental health. 

No jokes or satire here. New hobbies/interests/passion projects PLUS a boost in your self-confidence can improve your mental health greatly.

  1. You’ll sleep better.

That means less coffees for you. I’m sorry, I know them those Salted Caramel Mocha Supercalifrappucinos from Starbucks are fantastic but now you won’t need 8 a day.

There. Are you happy now? All my reasons to NEVER pick up Martial Arts of any kind. EVER! I’m serious. OK? Thanks. Bye.

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